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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I remember once, like, after a super long massage day, I was chilling by the bridge on Puente de la Calma. The sunset was epic, and I was thinking of that line from Toni Erdmann – “What if we’re all just living out a prank?” Classic, right? I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my massage oil. TOTAL moment, haha!

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